Create In Me a Clean Heart

 
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My Dearest Heart,

There was a time when I trusted you. I remember the yearning and desires that I confided in you. I spent a lifetime guarding these precious thoughts, nurturing these hopeful dreams with you. Each day of my life, protecting this secret sanctuary. I grew and learned, lived and changed, yet a tiny hidden piece of me always remained yours.

I can’t even recall when it all began to turn. You had me wrapped up in blind confidence, from my very first breath. I looked to you when I was confused. I waited for your direction when I was lost. I depended on your wisdom to inform my happiness, my anger, my sadness, and my comfort. You were my most intimate friend, my own dear heart. How did this go wrong?

But there was that terrible day, when I heard a whisper of betrayal. It didn’t come from you, my secret silent heart. He found me from outside of your steady beat, beyond your deep, familiar song. So I tried to ignore His words that spoke so boldly about your evils. I tried to forget I heard the voice who called you my wicked friend.

But His Words captured me, my poor dear heart. I couldn’t forget the things he said you have done. Tricking me to believe I mattered most. Distracting my attention on my personal whims and emotions. You locked me away from loving my neighbor, you shackled me to caring only for you. You caused me to mindlessly hurt those around me. You encouraged me to give up on the ones who needed me most, my sad selfish heart. You stood in the place of the Creator, asking me to worship only you, my malicious black heart. And now I can see it. You are rotting with sin.

You have destroyed me, my disobedient heart. Those who are found here on this dark path are drowning in death. God hates a sinner, God will not tolerate a heart that is not perfect. And this whole time, my evil heart, I thought you were on my side. I thought you were helping me along, getting better and stronger every day. I thought you had chosen the righteous ways of life. But now, I hear you have been dead from the beginning, inherited from Adam, pulsing with morbid destruction ever since.

So where does that leave us today, my wayward heart? You egotistic, cunning, wrath-filled heart. A cold shudder reminds me of your deceptive inner glow. This bitter taste remains where you fed me your lies. The ashes on my head, in the sign of a cross, etches out our death. Today: this body, this heart, to dust we shall return. Make no mistake, my deadly heart, this is where you belong.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love – Psalm 51:1

Save me, O God, from this heart of sin! I am sorry for all the years of my unrighteous ignorance. I am sorry for the many nights of my weak-willed compliance. I am sorry that I listen to my wicked heart instead of your Word. Have mercy on me.

God heard this cry, my little heart. Unexpectedly, a spear pierced through the dying flesh of another’s perfect heart. The crushing weight of rejection and scorn pummeled that undeserving heart. The holy life blood was wrung out from that sinless heart by the Almighty judgment. And that innocent heart lay dead, unmoving, in the ashes and the dust.

Pulse. Pulse. A new heartbeat breaks the silence. That One risen from the dead, perfectly pleasing to the Almighty Creator above. Once smothered by sin and covered in dust, now that vibrant heart will never die. Little heart of mine, this is the steadfast love of God. Instead of eternal death, a Savior gave you His heart. Today, you are raised with Christ. Pulse. Pulse. My dear heart, this perfect heartbeat is now you.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. – Psalm 51:10

Christ created a clean heart from your dead rotten corpse. Christ exchanged His excellent love, His wonderful heart, for my shameful adultery with you. Christ purified your thoughts words and deeds so that, on account of Him, we could live forever in the presence of God.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. – Psalm 51:17

But, my dearest heart, I forget who you are sometimes. I fall back into our old destructive ways. I call you the mistress of death and ask you to lead me back down into shame. My evil expectations build up our false kingdom once more. But now I’ve heard the heartbeat of your perfect heart. Broken and beaten, dead in the dust for me. And now I can hear your Words of steadfast love. Restored and renewed, white as the snow for me.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love – Psalm 51:1

My dearest heart, according to the steadfast love of Jesus Christ, you have been made new.

 

Cindy Koch is wife to Pastor Paul Koch and mother of five busy children in Ventura, California. In between homeschool and church events, she writes for
  thejaggedword.com. Cindy has an M.A. from Concordia Seminary St. Louis in exegetical theology 





 

 

For any woman, identity is important. The question, “Who am I?” will haunt her every decision. Along the pathway of life, many will tell her a story of who she is.  She might be lucky enough to hear the pure and simple truth, but more often than not she will be told and believe a variety things. 

 

 
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